Alex J Walling, I'm 'a calling you out

Ok, normally I am a big fan of Alex J Walling. His insightful commentary is usually well thought out and well written. But his last posting on TSN's website (http://tsn.ca/tsn_talent/columnists/aj_walling/) is way off base. If you choose not to read the article, I'll sum it up thusly: Always play the Vanier Cup in Toronto...maybe Vancouver...so that it's inside. If it's outside, it might be too cold.
Way off Alex, I'm sorry.
"Some snow on the sidelines and wet, damp or rainy conditions is one thing, but to play the most meaningful football game of the year in conditions that resemble the famous Ice Bowl...just doesn't make sense"- As there are only two domed stadiums in Canada, and no CIS team plays their home games in Rogers Centre of BC Place, every other game is played outdoors. Teams are built to win in the playoffs. In a domed stadium Laval would have pounded USask, because they are a fair weather team. USask build their team around defense and the running game, not very flashy, but effective. Yes USask could pass, but not to the extent of Laval. The high flying teams in the west had no playoff success (see the U of Regina Rams). Outdoor football is the basis of Canadian football.
"Huskies coach Brian Towriss wants different people across the country to see it and he has a point. So move it from the SkyDome to BC Place, so it's in the east and the west." Look Alex, as someone from Halifax you know damn well that Toronto/Vancouver is not the extent of Canada. If we flipped from Toronto/Vancouver, where does that leave Regina/Saskatoon/Winnipeg? 48 hours away by car to either...thats freaking fair!
Look at the Grey Cup when its held in Toronto versus Regina, Vancouver versus Winnipeg. The facts are that Toronto and Vancouver are not football towns, oh they'll fill the stadium when the home team is doing well, but would you get 50 000+ people to see Calgary/Baltimore? How about Edmonton/Montreal? Didn't think so.
So I took the high road with this rebuttal.
Now I'll take the low road...ladies and gentlemen, I have photographic proof that Alex J Walling has mutton chops and smokes doobies!

What part of this is most wrong?

Mr. Tillman, a suggestion...

Well, the last few 'Rider years have been pitiful at best and mediocre at worst. I think I have a theory as to why. The coaches have been professional football coaches. From consumate pros like Don Matthews, to debacles like the Cal Murphy year...even "Mighty" Jim Eddy. The problem with this is that all football coaches are basically the same. So. My proposal.
Let me coach the team. Average Joe fan. Give me lots of experienced assitant coaches, but let me run the team. I've got ideas. I've got plays. I'm new, no one knows my tricks. It can be done!
My football resume is as follows:
1996- Campbell Tartans High School football team RIFL. O-Line-I was the backup's backup's backup. The tocken girl on the team was ahead of me...I was in one game, and was on the field as follows: I went from the dressing room across the field to the bench. I may have warmed up on the field, I don't remember.
Various years: I watched a game or two on TV.
Think of the publicity though...every football fan of every team has said "I could do a better job than the head coach"...now you're giving one the opportunity (opp-o-tunity?). Here are some plays I drew up (stole from the internet):




NOte how only one is for Canadian football! Like Jim Popp could expect that!
I await your phone call

post mortem

Riders season post mortem
QB Grade C- Did some good things this year, good depth, but don't have the elite number 1. Kerry Joseph is good, but basically just a bigger stonger Nealon. If we could put Crandell's top half on Joseph's bottom half we'd have a great QB.
RB Grade B+- KK had a good year, but off field problems, injuries, and streakiness cost him. Bracey could be a number one.
Receivers- A- Dominguez best receiver in the league. Armstead best #2, Fantuz will be the next great canadian receiver. Need another canadian option not named Grant or French. Better deliveries would have had better numbers
O-Line B+- How is Charles Thomas still getting a paycheque? Otherwise a strong veteran crew....starting to get old though, how many years will they have left? The Big Chill should come back for at least one more year.
Coaching. C- -I disagree with many things the coaches did this year. Too many half baked plays. Hitch screens are good...if your boys don't block, there is no screen, and its a hitch tackle. Joseph was not given the hook enough. Play calling too predictable at times, too conservative at other times. Szarka needs the ball!

D Line- A -Deserves much of the credit for how this defence performed all year. Tough, good pressure with only 4.
LBs -B- -Disappeared on coverage on too many second and longs.
DBs C- Too inconsistant. Played like world beater some games, couldn't cover my drunken grandma some games.
Coaching- B- -Again inconsistant. No good plans for 2nd and long. Too many big plays. Too much zone.

Special Teams D -No blocks this year, poor returns, too many penalties. FGs acceptable, punting terrible, losing the field position game every game is not a way to win.

Overall C- Like the riders record, not terrible, not great. middle of the road

Need to go:
-I'm sorry DB, but the head coach has got to go, and I think Tommy Condell has to go too.
-Charles Thomas: how many drive killing holds and missed blocks are acceptable?
-Jason French: Makes circus catches, can't catch it between the numbers
-Corey Grant: If only could perform consistantly
-Leonard: Gainer's cousin is just not the same....although the kids like him

Cornerstones for the long-term future
-Andy Fantuz: This guy needs to be a career rider, potential to be the best canadian reciever ever
-Richie Hall: Brilliant coach, but needs to tighten up the coverages. Richie is the only assistant coach that should be untouchable
-Matt Dominguez: Is pure gold
-Eric Tillman: I like him despite the troll doll like appearance, he's smart, and will bring in good young talent. He has also a proven track record as being a good evaluator of canadian talent, which was Roy Shivers' achilles heel.
-Luca Congi: Great young talent.

Keys for next year, with caveats:
-QBs...clearly Joseph will be back, to get rid of the guy we traded Corey Holmes for would be a huge indictment of the team. KJ needs to smarten up his reads, work on his mechanics, and learn to protect his health. Crandell need to be back as a back-up
-Kenton Keith: Arguably top 3 RB in league. But, needs to smarten up off the field, and show up every game
-Use the roster spot...get a good punter. American if need be, we need someone who can consistantly punt and place the ball.

This team has been on the cusp for so long. Yes it's nice to be consistently average, much better than the mediocrity of the mid to late '90s, but third every year is not going to cut it. We have a championship defence, but the offence and special teams puts too much pressure on them.

West Final

Heres a gonzo reporting of the 2006 Western Final as seen through my eyes:
3:00 pm- Ok why is CBC showing the end of a game no one cares about and not the Rider game? Gotta schedule these playoff games better. What happened to Toronto, they didnt show up until it was too late. Congrats Montreal
3:15 ish- Effing Riders....big return first play
3:25 ish- McCallum puts BC up by 3....and trash talks...you're a kicker Paul...settle
3:40 First turn over...good work D
3:44 Two consecutive time counts?!?!?!? WTF....Luca is good to tie it at 3...Although Kerry is looking as mobile as he had been all year
3:47 Dave Dickenson runs for 26 yards. WTF...only Danny Mac would have been more shameful
3:48 Dickenson eludes the entire rider D line in the backfield, and runs for 7 yards to end the first quarter.....when did Dickenson turn into Tracy Ham? Newsflash, he didn't! Eff off you guys, hes old and slow you gotta hit him in the backfield
3:50 I don't know why the announcers always, and I mean always, have to talk about how effing wonderful BC is.... Buono must give Walby the best tuna sandwiches hes ever had
3:52 Dickenson looks kinda like a child molester with his scraggly beard. The riders couldn't tackle the pick up team from the Santa Maria senior citizens complex...Although if they can stay within striking distance they're still alive. BC is first and 10 inside the 15....hold 'em to three boys come on! Forces Dickenson to throw it away.
3:55 2nd and long....huge play coming up.....TD! For eff's sakes...Beautiful catch. God I hate BC. Logistically the Riders can't afford to give up more than 7 more points this half, and need to score effing soon 10-3 BC (assuming McCallum hits the convert)
3:57 Yup
3:58 Bathroom break, and gotta get a glass of iced tea
4:00 Riders get the ball....enough sh*tting the bed. Why is BC allowed to use the scoreboard and a guy with a megaphone to rile up the crowd? I was at a Rider game when the Riders got a 10 yard penalty for the pep band...clear systemic bias.
4:02 Two and out, lost 20 yards. God.
4:04 Congi gives up the safety 12-3 BC....The D needs to show up and fast. And the O better be right behind them.
4:06 Why can't we kick the ball past the effing 50 yard line!
4:08 BC marching...gotta tackle you idiots!
4:10 Reports coming in from Regina the House says: "Well we lost already, might as well change the channel" Rider nation as optimistic as ever
4:12 Riders make a tackle by the first man! wow! 2nd and long....biggest play of the game so far coming up
4:13 First down BC (what else)
4:14 TD BC 19-3...its now or never to show up boys
4:19 BC is a good team, but they are not this good...its the classisc pattern of the Riders not showing up in the biggest games... 35 passing yards to this point. It may be time for Marcus Crandell....DON'T PUNT ON 3RD AND 1!!!!!! YOU'RE DOWN BY 16 AND DOING NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Besides Congi punts like a 12 year old, and follows through with a crappy punt. Perfect.
4:22 Riders D forces the 2 and out. Momentum shift? Its up to the returners to get a positive return and the O to make something happen. This should be Kerry's last chance, another 2 and out and he needs to ride the pine.
4:25 Or we can fumble the ball and give it up. Pure effing riders.
4:27 Update from Regina e-dot says: "This is F_cking pathetic!". I am inclined to agree.
4:30 D holds 'em to 3, 22-3 BC....this is borderline unsalvagable. Something needs to happen STAT. A score at the end of the half would be huge, even a FG. The fact that BC is only up by 19 after dominating so hard is pretty amazing.
4:32 Or...no first downs...3rd and short (2 or 3), clearly punting, watch BC score again. Especially after yet another CRAPPY PUNT!!!!!!!!! My God!
4:34 2nd and long BC, gotta hold 'em here
4:35 Or they can jump offside and still give up a first down play. wow I have never seen such crap on a platter before
4:36 The Rider tackling is actually worse than when I made the crack about the senior citizens
4:37 Dickenson deep...TD BC. I called it. Update from Regina...Eric Tillman is on the phone to Kent Austin as we speak. Also Eric Tillman looks more like a troll doll than ever...really....google him, it's hilarous.
4:40 14 seconds left in the half, nothing can happen, even the announcers are calling for Crandell, Joseph 3/7 for 34, beyond pathetic.
4:41 Dominguez catches the ball on the 20, and gets out of bounds, Congi lines up a FG.....and a challenge. Eff off Buono.
4:45 Catch upheld. Screw you, let us have 3 points.
4:46 Congi.....22 yards.....its up.....no good! Single point. 29-4 BC. Half Time. I need a drink. On the half time interview Wally Buno is a dink. Barett is on the phone to Hamilton for a job.
4:48 Chose iced tea, hold the rye, to drink...alcohol doesn't solve problems. Thus concludes the one government mandated learning point per rider rant. Thank you very much Lorne Calvert.
4:51 Shaun Millington is the worst commentator in the history of televised sports. As if there isn't another former CFL player who has better speaking skills than Millington. Frers makes a good point. how come Kenton Keith has 3 touches? This guy is our offence. God.
4:58 Update from Regina....Dad says "it's pretty ugly no it's really really ugly". My dad gets the award for understatement of the year.
5:00 Ad for Casino Royale....still not too sure about a blonde James Bond
5:01 Danny Barett says "He will start the half" re: Kerry Joseph. Time of possession 21 minutes to 9 minutes for BC. Pure domination
5:02 Dorsey with a decent return, first down Riders on the 40ish.
5:04 Two and out. Brilliant. This rope-a-dope is really lulling BC to sleep. Also Charles Thomas has got to go.
5:07 BC driving....I can't so this anymore....it's to infuriating.....God....
I'm Out